I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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