she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
