so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
