She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
