i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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