my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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