Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
