If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
