I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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