Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
