i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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