the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
