Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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