Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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