if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
