Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
