I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
