Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Michael Bay diarrhea
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
