I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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