And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
