you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
