dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this just has baby written all over it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
