as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
