you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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