he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
