it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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