I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
