Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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