LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
