My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize