You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
