i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
