No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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