i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
