I'm gonna have a badass scar
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
