Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
