i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
