Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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