i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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