I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
