i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
