Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
