I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
