FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
