Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
