Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
