I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
