Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
