Christians are straight up FREAKS
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
