I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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