Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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