batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
