I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
