Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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