just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
