I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
