If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm too high and old for this...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
