bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
