It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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