i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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