this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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