I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
