maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
