he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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