at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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