Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
